Dear Abby:

How do I become diurnal again?

Dear Abby,

I’ve been struggling a lot with keeping a healthy sleep cycle during quarantine. How do I become diurnal again?

Dear night owl,

Ponder existential questions. Why do we exist? What happened before the Big Bang? Next thing you know, you are leaving the post-Big Bang Earth and entering the dream universe. 

Keep your eyes open for as long as you can before bed, so, when you are ready to go to sleep, your eyes are tired from staying open. 

If you are trying to fall asleep but you cannot, start writing your autobiography in your head. What moments defined you? How did you feel when you were born? 

Start a new hobby to tire yourself out. For example, get into competitive dog grooming, soap carving, extreme ironing (look it up!) or filing lawsuits. 

Related to filing lawsuits: paperwork. Everyone complains about paperwork. Must be boring. Next thing you know, you are asleep in bed! 

But, you could also do some slightly ~more productive~ things. Exercise. Don’t watch tv or use blue light thingies before bed. Set an alarm so you wake up at a normal hour. Start trying to eat at more normal times. Create a routine/schedule that involves all of these things, and try to be consistent. 

Honestly, though, just do whatever gets you through every day. Eat at 3pm and spend five hours playing Sims if you want. These are just random examples and completely unrelated to how we are spending our Sundays. 

Best,

The Abyss/Abbys