Dear Abby

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How does it feel to be the inferior name twins at GDS? #Julias4life

Dear Abby,

My name is Julia. I felt like taunting you guys and working to crush your dreams as comedy writers, so my question is: How does it feel to be the inferior name twins at GDS? #Julias4life

Dear Julia, 

We’d normally be nicer to our inquirers, but you gave us your name and attacked us. Thus, you are asking for it. In the name of objective journalism, we went on Urban Dictionary—the most reliable of dictionaries. We found front and center: “No one likes girls named Julia,” and “Julia has never been liked by anyone or anything.” An example sentence about Julia was: “Mom, ewwwww there is a Julia.” 

On the contrary, the top definition for Abby was: “If you meet one, don’t let her go because she will be a great friend for life!” An example sentence was: “Wow that girl Abby is always so good and nice!”

When looking further at the Julia definitions, one finds that either “no one likes… Julia” or Julia has “never been liked;” thus, this disproves the notion that Julias are superior. Moreover, if Abbys are “good,” “nice” and “a great friend for life,” then they cannot be inferior. Sorry.

We hate to be bearers of bad news, but, as The Washington Post says, “Democracy dies in darkness.” 

Be well. 

With love, 

Abby

P.S. These findings do not necessarily apply to all Julias. Julia Fisher, we apologize.

How does it feel to be the second best name twins in the school?

Dear Abby,

My name is also Julia. I am annoying. How does it feel to be the second-best name twins in the school?

Dearest Julia, 

As we do not want to hurt your ego any further, we ask you to refer to the answer above. 

Warmly,

Abby

One thought

  1. this is defamation. we will not stand for this. we as Julias are proud of our names and refuse to be brought down by this disgrace.

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