How Bernie Could Still Win

Everybody knows the 2016 election was a tumultuous one. Families were split in heated debates, friendships were destroyed, and relationships were ended. Whether you sported your MAGA hat, your “I’m With Her” bumper sticker, your Jill Stein S’well bottle, or your Gary Johnson male fragrance, it’s clear that everyone was invested in this election.

Now that we’ve experienced the first two years of the Trump presidency, many believe that the 2016 election is over, and its results are irreversible. Some wonder what a Clinton presidency would look like right now. Others wonder about their hero Bernie Sanders, and what America would look like if the ragtag Vermont senator and Larry David look-alike was president.

Many mourned Bernie’s loss to Clinton in the primaries, and had hoped that their spunky, Jewish political hero would bring his socialism-lite to our governmental system. So called “political scientists” said that losing the primary meant he couldn’t continue running. These same “political scientists” said he couldn’t become president after Trump won the electoral college.

They’re wrong. Fret no longer, Bernie Bros: there’s still hope. There are several paths to victory for our favorite old man from the Muppets, and all it requires is a little creativity. So let’s get into it.

Scenario 1: The Referendum Vote

This scenario is actually very simple. The United States passes a constitutional amendment which states that the nation will hold a referendum vote on the current president. If enough people write in that they would like Bernard to be president, then he would be automatically inaugurated. Easy!

Scenario 2: The Mass Secession

Picture this scenario. All states in the union, except Vermont, secede from the United States of America, meaning that Vermont is now America. Then, Vermont-America would simply have to rewrite its constitution to state that its youngest senator becomes President of the nation.

Scenario 3: The Mass Annexation

Vermont annexes the rest of the United States of America to form the United States of Vermont. Per the rules of scenario two, Bernie is now president.

Scenario 4: The Tragedy

All members of the presidential line of succession die, leaving Congress to scramble to find a new leader of the nation. They then pick Bernie. (Note: The Augur Bit does not condone violence towards members of the U.S. government; this is just a possible scenario.)

Scenario 5: The Coup D’état

Bernie establishes a military junta and assassinates Trump. The U.S. then becomes a socialist state. Everyone gets free healthcare, everyone gets released from prison and the government abolishes the military. College also becomes free. (Once again, The Augur Bit does notcondone political violence.)

There you have it! It’s not as hard as you might think. Honestly, in today’s political climate, anything is possible.

By Lucy Walker’19