Humor: Don’t be A Fuul, Learn How to Juul!

Juuling has taken the GDS administration by storm and students want in on the action. A juul, as defined by Urban Dictionary, is a small godly device that “gives u the best buzzes of your life.” As it turns out, the GDS faculty has been taking quick hits off the juul all first quarter. Quinn Killy confirmed these juuling accusations by officially declaring GDS a safe space for juuling. “You will not be expelled for juuling on the GDS campus,”he  declared at his pro-Juuling rally. After Quinn’s “assembly”, Chris Levy created the “Don’t Juul if you aren’t Cuul” campaign. Juul nation was taking off at GDS and everyone was juul-obsessed.

The whole “school” started working to make GDS a Juul friendly campus. Tim Lyons and Tuan Nguyen excitedly announced that they had attached juul chargers to every available Chromebook they could find and installed two new public use juul chargers to go with their set of smart phone chargers in the library. Additionally, Amy Killy set out a bowl of juuls, next to her bowls of candy and condoms. “I know students need to be able to indulge themselves when they’re having bad days and I’m not here to judge,” she told me. “Connie has even changed her policies, too. She still can’t give out any advil, but she’s making an exception for juul pods. Juuling can make all the difference in a student’s day, and Connie and I want to help in every way we can.”

Katie Gibson even got involved in the matter — getting into a Juul duel with a few senior male students about the health implications of juuling over a school wide email chain. These students voiced their concerns about nicotine addiction and juuls being a stepping stone to cigarettes, and our fearless principal was not afraid to let them have it. Katie Gibson sent her final email in the chain in all caps — criticizing the boys for being prudes. “YOU-ALL NEED TO JU-ALL,” read the last line.

After an anonymous source revealed that he caught two members of the GDS administration juul-kissing in the men’s locker room, Bobby Asher became the last member of the administration to stay out of the juul craze. When I questioned him about his latent involvement he told me, “Oh I just have a pen. I got it in California so…” I understood. GDS wasn’t just taking part in Juul nation, Georgetown Day High School was Juul Nation.

By: Grace Mahaffie