In the last edition of the Augur Bit, my colleague Alexander “Thomp” Thompson met with Physical Education Department Head, men’s varsity lacrosse Head Coach, and chicken connoisseur Taylor Brown. After a thought provoking conversation that left Alexander and the rest of our community speechless, I knew it was my destiny to trek down to the Level One Fitness Center and delve deeper into the identity of the man, the myth, the legend: Taylor Brown.
Q: What were your thoughts on the New England Patriots being crowned Super Bowl 51 champions this past year?
A: As a small tear crests his eyes, he tersely replies, saying, “Never in doubt.” Right after his answer, he finishes his set of bench presses, and nimbly places his bench press plates on their designated rack. He then nods and points to the writing in tape on the mirror, which tells fellow fitness center attendees to “RACK YOUR WEIGHTS.”
Q: Who is your favorite athlete
A: “Tom Brady.”
Q: Would you compare yourself to him?
A: “No.” He answers in a stern tone
Q: Fenway Park [Home of the Boston Red Sox], The Garden [The basketball arena of the Boston Celtics], Gillette Stadium [Where the Patriots call home]: Which is your favorite Massachusetts stadium?
A: “I LIKE A WINDY, FREEZING COLD GILLETTE STADIUM,” he exclaims as he grins from ear to ear.
Q: So, do you enjoy a certain type of weather, or is there a certain weather condition you dislike?
A: “I’m a believer in that there is not bad weather; there’s bad clothing.”
Q: If you could go back in time and see any Professional sporting event, which would you see?
A: “Oof tough one,” he exclaims as his eyes dart around the fitness center. “I would probably say Brady’s first Super Bowl–never been to the Super Bowl. I’ve always wanted to go. Pretty much any Super Bowl the Patriots have won.”
Q: Have you gone on any recent fishing expeditions?
A: “ Well, recently we went giant tuna fishing on Cape Cod at the end of summer, but I didn’t catch anything. Also I went fly fishing in Maine for salmon. I caught a really big landlocked salmon on my last Maine fishing trip. Besides that just local fishing.”
Q: Is there a certain place you like to go fishing, or for vacation in general?
A: “My favorite place to fish, it would have to be Cape Cod. For general vacation: Maine.”
Q: What is your go to chicken restaurant in Maryland, DC, or Virginia?
A: “Hmm homecooked chicken, but that’s a good question. Usually I home cook my chicken to be honest, you get more when you home cook your chicken. If I was gonna treat myself to fast food chicken I’d do like a Chick-Fil-A Spicy Chicken Sandwich and a 12 piece appetizer.” The chicken-man then pauses for a solid three seconds, during which he slightly nods his head to find his words. He then exclaims, “Ooh Nando’s Peri-Peri Chicken. That’s actually my go to chicken. Oh baby!”
Q: Is there a machine that the fitness center does not have that you would like to add?
A: “MANUAL TREADMILL!!” And he then slightly murmurs one of his favorite catchphrases, whispering “All day,” to himself.
Q: Do you have a favorite workout song or artist?
A: “If its lifting weights, I go with the Chevelle Pandora” which is one of his favorite alternative-metal bands. He then continues, explaining, “If I’m doing cardio I like Stick Figure, the reggae band.”
Q:What is your favorite animal?
A: “The bear,” he states in confidence. Yet, in a second response, he asks, “Wait, does a tuna count?”
Q: Would you rather have a tuna or a bear as a pet?
A: “Neither of them would last long,” he explains.
Q: Why not?
A: “Cause I’d probably eat it,” Mr. Brown notes.
Q: What about the bear, would you eat the bear?
A: “MMM I’ve had bear: BEAR BACON! It’s exceptional. I suggest you try it.”
Baffled by the information I had received in that short fifteen minute experience, I wrapped up the interview aware of more mystery about the man than I had started. To all of my committed readers: I encourage you to talk to Taylor Brown to learn more about his everyday life, and about the shocking facts that lie within him.
To conclude, I leave you with some of Brown’’s most inspirational words: “Do good work, and get yourself some bear bacon.”
By: Nicholas Howe