HACKED: Sensitive Emails Leaked to Public

Dear Editor-in-Chief Tabitha Lynn,

As the editor of the well-esteemed Comedy section, I have some requests, complaints and other worries about certain punctuation. This magnificent, complex and often misunderstood punctuation, the Oxford comma, deserves our love and affection. 

Best Regards,

EJ Joseph (Comedy Editor)

Dear Comedy Editor Emma Jean Joseph,

Please refrain from using such foul language in association with the respectable Augur Bit. I will not even consider such tomfoolery.

Distraught,

Tabitha Lynn (Editor-in-Chief)

Dear Editor-in-Chief Tabitha Lynn,

I appreciate your standards regarding grammar and punctuation, yet I think that they are insolent, greedy and disrespectful for those of us who enjoy commas. I still remember the day I learned about the great war on Oxford commas—it was a suspenseful, stressful and sad day. 

Frustrated,

EJ Joseph (Comedy Editor)

Dear Comedy Editor Emma Jean Morgan Joseph,

As the official Augur Bit Style Guide and Policy handbook states, you mustn’t use the Oxford comma.

Sternly,

Tabitha Lynn (Editor-in-Chief)

Dear Editor-In-Chief Tabitha Lynn,

I can no longer write using a disgusting, despicable and degrading punctuation style. I give you my final, last and most serious ultimatum: if the problem is not solved, I will throw in my pen and quill and find employment elsewhere.

On my last straw,

EJ Joseph (Comedy Editor)

Dear Comedy Editor Emma Jean Morgan Morgan Joseph,

“Employment” is a strong word given this is a voluntary position and there was little to no competition for the spot. Additionally, your term as Comedy Editor is up in two weeks’ time and as a senior, you are unable to reapply.

Tired and annoyed,

Tabitha Lynn (Editor-in-Chief)

Dear Editor-in-Chief Tabitha Lynn,

Consider this my two weeks’ notice. I am done, through and finished with this organization and your views on the greatest use of a comma. 

Done,

EJ Joseph (Comedy Editor)

P.S.  Even Grammarly uses the Oxford comma

Dear Comedy Editor Emma Jean Morgan Morgan Morgan Joseph,

I appreciated the time we had with you and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors.

Respectfully, politely, and formally,

Tabitha Lynn (Editor-in-Chief)

EJ Joseph ’21