Hello, all! I hope you each had a glorious St. Patrick’s Day weekend, because I certainly didn’t. While so many of you are on the edge of your seats, delightedly anticipating the arrival of the leprechauns, I live in fear. The leprechauns and I have been at odds since the spring of 2016, when four of those wee ginger demons vandalized my kitchen, leaving nothing but green glitter and gold coins in their wake. And now, a mere 36 hours from their return, I lie restless, dagger in hand, prepared to fight back. To soothe my troubled heart, I’ve compiled a list of quotes from our beloved GDS community. I now bestow my findings upon you, so we may all find some joy in the day of St. Patrick.
“The only thing in my town that resembles a leprechaun is my brother’s friend, Declan.”
“I never hated you. I just really hated your class.”
“I unfortunately think that people are not made to die that easily, so maybe it would not be as fun as I am thinking.”
“Oh my gosh, did I ever show you my penis pizza?!”
“I’m born in a generation where you can’t have lunch with your teachers—at their houses.”
“Now, going back to your comment about X-raying your dog for 25 minutes…”
“What if, one day, I became a thesaurus?”
“If you knew a thousand people and they all had hemorrhoids, I think one of them would probably ask you what to do.”
“They’re like, ‘Who the hell is Goomp?’ And I’m like, ‘Goomp? You don’t know Goomp?’”
“I don’t wanna go to college anymore. That was last year.”
“You do realize I have four and a quarter cats?”
“There’s a whole other source of protein that we’re not accustomed to thinking of as ‘yummy—’”
“Humans?”
“Guys, I miss everybody. Including Mike Wenthe.”
“I was really craving a unicorn one time.”
“I don’t know that we need a full bio on his cult. I think what we have here is fine.”
“Can I just say, my teachers have not been having faith in me recently. Or last year.”
“I really relate to that song, actually. I ran away from my dentist.”
(Talking about “Riptide” by Vance Joy.)
“If you don’t break out into song, I’m gonna kill you.”
“I’m gonna be such a good 30-year-old. I’m already so good at gossiping about moms.”
“So, we weren’t making money, but we were making cheese.”
“You’re not stupid, but, like, my foot was in your face, and you didn’t even know.”
“I guess she’s a prostitute now, so it’s all fine.”
“I think if you spent as much time with Annabelle Garland as I do, you would be on The Augur Bit.”