Hellooo, Hoppers! I’m sure you all know me for my hard-hitting journalism (that’s right, I meet my article requirements), but today I’m writing with a new purpose. While you’ve been waiting with bated breath for my first SSC Bulletin of the year, I’ve been lurking around the high school, hoping to find the perfect quote for the newest edition of “Overheard.” Thought you saw someone hiding behind a plant with a fresh pair of hearing aids? That was me. No need to be jealous of my spy skills. So, I’ve decided to bless you all with this collection of some of the strangest things I heard around the building last year. And, in case you were wondering: Yes, this series is limited only to people named Annabel(le). So don’t you dare try to come for my new position as Director of Overhearing (still confirming my title with the editors).
“I was just walking down the street, and next thing I knew, I peed my pants!”
“If you don’t remember anything else about me, remember that I told you about the time Jesus got blasted into space at my Easter church play.”
“You know me; I like boys better than girls. That’s just how I roll as a teacher.”
“Speaking of crying in corners…”
“I’ve always had a fear of feet.”
“We could do exposure therapy.”
“If we had a leg fight, I would actually murder you both.”
A science teacher: “No one likes nerd-o science, am I right? Boom, roasted!”
“How do you know so much about wolf cuts? Did you have a gay phase?”
“I never steal. Well, except accidentally, but everyone does that.”
“Well, how would you hyphenate Massa-fucking-chusetts?”
Like that.
“If we have time at the end of class, I’ll tell you about that time I got into a food fight with the Mexican joint on the corner.”
“Hey, Mom, do you want my backpack bread?”
“Then I woke up, and I, like, discovered I had toes. It was a really mind-boggling experience.”
“Even my dog wants to be me.”
“I texted my math teacher for three years, and I got all As because of it.”
“I still remember the first word you said to me.”
“What was it?”
“Hi.”
“When I’m hungry, I don’t eat people. Generally.”
“I’m not watching a guy get dissolved in a sweaty toilet.”
“My first word was iPad.”
“If I had a grappling hook, everything wrong in the world would immediately become right.”
“I love you, Annabelle! You’re my favorite person in this school.”