Greetings one, greetings all! I think it’s safe to say that the school year has been off to a phenomenal start full of nothing but A-pluses and joy, but I know that for most of you, there’s been some room for improvement as the past 174 days have been spent eagerly refreshing your phone in hopes of catching my next piece of hard-hitting journalism. It may be spooky season, but never fear: I’m back, and boy, have I overheard some sentiments in our school community to share with you.
“Annabel, I’m being chased by an African elephant right now, and this might be the last time I ever talk to you.”
“Let me know if you ever get herpes because I’d get it so fast.”
“Have you ever been depressed?”
“Why are you asking me this?”
“I’m trying to learn your weaknesses for college applications.”
Speaking of an image on someone’s shirt: “It kind of looks like the new mascot.”
“Don’t say that! I actually like this shirt—don’t be mean.”
“Don’t you have a relative who plays the flute because of Squidward?”
“Bobby and Cory Booker are actually the same person. The mannerisms and everything are uncanny. Let me know if you want to know which one is a little too touchy.”
“I thought Y2K was a tax form for the longest time.”
“I don’t think anyone’s smarter than my parents.”
“Oh my god, my grandparents used to have that microwave!”
“Well, my dad thinks I’m autistic.”
“You’re never gonna get married if every man you meet is your brother.”
“It’s my blood type and my motto. How many people can say that?”
“You know how hard it is to ding dong ditch us?”
“There is nothing like the happiness we have as a family.”
Speaking of If You Give A Mouse A Muffin: “Don’t get me started on my Marxist analysis of that book.”
“What do you mean? I like talking to people.”
“Republicans?”
“Annabel, when are you going to quote me in your ‘Overheard?’ You never have, but I feel like I’m always saying funny things.”