A couple of weeks ago, sophomore Alexa Gillespie “won” the highlighter elimination game that had run for several weeks. But her victory was illegitimate, because there was widespread fraud in the Highlighter Elimination competition. No one yet has stepped forward to call out this egregious injustice that occurred on the campus of this very institution, so I will not rest until no stone remains unturned and all guilty parties are punished accordingly. I was getting ready to win this competition, and frankly, I did win this competition. If you disagree, you have clearly fallen for the carefully cultivated lies that have been spewed by Gillespie, senior Alex Gerson and their wicked cronies. This essay will be a rational and reasonable assessment of what transpired, based solely on factual evidence and some gut feeling. This is my quest to save our school. They will try to censor me, but I will not be deterred. I promise you that.
If you ask any of my good friends, they will tell you they were hopeful that I would claim victory. This is clear evidence that the community was on my side. And don’t ask any of Gillespie’s friends (or anyone from the classes of ’25 and ’26 for that matter) because they are biased. This clear community support for me is, by itself, enough to arouse suspicion about Gillespie’s alleged victory. However, the truly damning evidence lies elsewhere.
Let us first examine the parties most closely linked to this controversy. Alexa Gillespie is a clear suspect in this case, but so is the organizer of the competition, Alex Gerson. Look closely now at these names. They share the same initials, and Alexa is just Alex with an extra A. This suspicious similarity in their names at the very least proves that they are the same person. Has anyone actually seen them in the same room? I think not.
I also suspect foreign influence, because it remains unexplained how my opponent so easily tracked me down in the isolation and seclusion of the junior area. The most probable explanation is that operatives from Sidwell Friends or perhaps Maret assisted my opponent in locating and eliminating me. Additionally, there is strong evidence to suggest that Gerson’s Google form, which logged each elimination, was tampered with. Could this have also been the result of foreign interference? I’d say so.
If you count the legal, authentic eliminations, I easily have more. If you count the illegal fraudulent eliminations, Gillsepie does. Frankly, there are a lot of cases of eliminated people filling out the Google form or people filling it out multiple times for the same elimination. Everyone is unsure about the final results, and that sentiment must have originated somewhere (not from me though).
I would also say that by far the clearest evidence of foul play is that Gillespie has won two years in a row. This is a feat that is nigh impossible. Without a grand conspiracy that goes all the way to the top, she would have to be some kind of tactical genius to pull it off. Let’s have common sense, folks—is she a reincarnation of Sun Tzu, or just a plain cheater? It is not out of the question that Russell Shaw, our head of school, was working to preserve the established order and keep an underdog from dethroning last year’s winner. Can anyone prove otherwise?
I anticipate that no one will take me seriously, and my grievance will be forgotten. I say to you, reader: If you choose now to be inactive, next year Gillespie will claim victory again, and you will all cry, “He was right! He tried to warn us of this grand conspiracy!” and you will look to me, and say, “We believe you now! Please help us! ” But it will be too late by then, so I will say in response, “No.”
A dark cloud now looms over our school, and it is the responsibility of each GDS student to stop the steal of this long-standing tradition. I propose a campaign for action under the name Make Alexa Gillespie/Alex Gerson Acquiesce! (MAGAGA). I need all the help I can get, because this truly does go all the way to the top. I will be with you as you march on the administrative offices in protest. Prepare yourselves for trial by combat!