I think it’s safe to say that for all of us, summer was a horror show. It was just too much time away from our true home: school. Not getting to bang my head on the table in frustration while trying to learn math was hard—um, I mean, I missed having homework to fill my time! I personally couldn’t take my mind off school and my lovely peers, so as a back-to-school gift, I collected these quotes I heard over the summer that reminded me of you all. Now that we’re reunited, there’s more to come, and next edition will be starring none other than you Hoppers.
“Mom, I can’t be barking. I have a roommate.”
“I’ve been here before, yo…this is so nostalgic—back then my sister was ugly as shit.”
“I have been good at movement my whole life.”
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t born fucking American.”
“Don’t be sorry, be better.”
(Looking at Monet paintings in the MET): “Oh my god, how are these all so cute?!”
“I bet when you sleep you look like an NPC.”
“I have three birthdays: my birthday, the birthday of BTS and the birthday of BTS fans.”
“My ex’s brother always told me [my ex] was cheating on me with a Gregoria but it turned out I was Gregoria and he was cheating on another girl with me.” Said by a girl with a name similar to Gregoria.
“Your hair is straight here…and curly here. Are you Jewish?”
“I hate Snapchat because it reminds me of minions. Like I start crying.”
“You clearly understand the concept of continuity; I don’t think you understand the concept of homicide. We’ll revisit that later.”
“I don’t know what it’s like getting pooped on but I do know what it’s like falling on poop.”
“Can you do it again as if you’re talking to your dead wife and you got a goldfish for her?”
“You guys look like the dogs in shelter commercials.”
“I love that girl Annabel Hilzenrath. She’s actually the coolest person I know.”