Dear Abby

What will I do without Dear Abby and the Abbys themselves?

Dear Abby, 

You are my idol. You collectively make up the person I want to be when I’m a senior in high school. What will I do without you?


Sad person

Dear sad person,

We had other questions to answer, including “yes,” “stumes?” and “What streaming service can I use to watch Pulp Fiction?” but we thought we needed to bring you all more closure. So we may have written this question ourselves. Oops.

So here’s some closure!

Yes. The rumors are true. This is the last edition of Dear Abby. But, comrades, do not fret. Not only are we now using the word “comrades,” but we will forever be in your hearts. We will also forever have the password to The Augur Bit website (and all other Augur Bit accounts). So, Nick Penniman, you cannot get rid of us. As much as you try. 

But we are done writing this column.

For now.

We can make an if you want, though. Why not bring back that website?!

Ok but. 

Picture this. 

The year is 2040. You get a random email from an Abby of your past? You think to yourself, “But the name Abby is so popular—who could it be?” And then. The advice you have been waiting for during the past 20 years. 

So you want to know what to do without us? Well, you’re never really going to have to live without us. Just wait til 2040.

Best wishes, 

The Abyss

P.S. We get no closure for our senior year. So you get no closure now.

P.P.S. We have loved writing this column and we love you all <3

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