It’s week seven of quarantine and week three of the corner/column, Aidan Kohn-Murphy is still shirking his responsibilities as a comedy writer for The Augur Bit and, per usual, a woman is left to pick up the slack. (Just kidding. I’m very happy to be here.)
Is it a corner? A column? (A cupboard?!) I don’t know! Haven’t got a clue! We might never know! Anyway, it’s mine and I get to do what I want with it. I’ve decided to share some things I’ve enjoyed during this corona-cation and rank them on a ten-point scale. There are plenty of things I haven’t enjoyed (reviewing for the calc exam, the exhausting tribulations of New York Times fame), but here in the corner/column, we like to stay positive. [NOTE: Final scores are not necessarily representative of how much I liked or didn’t like any of the things I review! Numbers are a social construct!]
MUSIC
- “Gay Street Fighter” by Keiynan Lonsdale: This song is the true Angles In America sequel Inhereitance tried and failed to be. Are these references too obscure for you? Then, get educated! Read a book! Watch a six-hour play! Or just get on TikTok! And just so you’re aware of the full extent of my intellectual prowess, making obscure references is my way of using the Brechtian technique of audience alienation, or der Verfremdungseffekt, as the Germans would say, to make you consider the inherent bias in the way you consume media, and thus spurring you into political action upon exiting the theater. Boom. Shakalaka. #itookenglish11withnadia. 10/10.
- “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” by The 1975: Yes, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I listen to The 1975. Your suspicions are confirmed: My personality that closely resembles that of a middle-aged woman is no more than an elaborate facade. I am just like every other teenage girl on the planet in that I am reluctantly in love with Matty Healy. For some reason there is nothing sexier than a black and white video of six white men playing guitar in front of a blank wall. What can I say? The universe works in mysterious ways. 6/10.
TELEVISION
- Unorthodox on Netflix: This show is so good. I, like, can’t even be funny about it; it’s so good. Just…watch it. You’ll thank me later. 10/10.
MOVIES
- Chitty Chitty Bang Bang on Netflix: An acid trip of a classic movie with all the dancing, dated gender norms and questionable European stereotypes one could hope for in a film made in 1968. My favorite line is: “Has he kissed her yet? Because once he does, he’ll have to marry her!” This movie has almost as much chaotic energy as Fetch The Bolt Cutters, but it’s considerably less woke. To give you a taste of what you’re in for, this movie includes: candy flutes and a musical number about said candy flutes, a blimp from which hangs and old man in a shed and a musical number performed by said old man in his shed hanging from a blimp, a flying car (enough said), a child catcher (which may or may not be an extended metaphor for the Holocaust?), a single father (which actually might have been kind of progressive in terms of representing diverse family structures in 1968????), and literally so much more I can’t even begin to explain. 3/10.
MISCELLANEOUS
- Silly Putty: A great thing to do with your hands when you feel uncomfortable looking into your teacher’s living room during Zoom class. 10/10.
- Silly earrings: Yes, I love silly things, be they putty or earrings or otherwise. I love earrings because there is literally nothing more frivolous and inconsequential than what I put in my artificially constructed ear holes, and yet I spend time seriously weighing all the possibilities to find one that matches my outfit. Spending time in such a manner is perfectly socially acceptable!! I’m in love. May I recommend earrings in the shape of giraffes? Also wearing earrings that don’t match and/or having an odd number of earring holes! So silly!! 11/10.
- Poetry challenges: For national poetry month, I am participating in Julia Fisher’s Corona of Sonnets challenge, and here’s what I have to say about it. When I started this process a couple of days ago, I kind of hated sonnets. Who needs a sonnet these days? Who am I, Shakespeare? Lord Byron? Fucking John Keats? Who needs all that rhyming and iambic pentameter when you could write a perfectly good, maybe even better pantoum or sestina or villanelle? Rhyming couplets are condescending and a relic of the past. But then I read Julia’s email, and I was intrigued… fourteen, maybe even fifteen sonnets, each one inextricable from the next? Phenomenal. Sign me the fuck up. Basically, moral of the story is that personal growth is real and you all should try it. Personal growth, I mean. And the poetry challenge, I guess. 10/10.
- When people tell me their opinions about the things I review in my corner/column: 3,483,391,004/10. Nothing brings me quite so much joy. Sorry, is this too genuine for you? Is this not the premium comedy content you came here to find? Let a girl have emotional range and dimension!
Gigi Silla ’20