The people have spoken (or at least Natasha Zimmerman’s dad and this girl I met in Germany a few summers ago have spoken), so we’re back for round two of the corner/column. Another week of corona-cation has passed, and I have more big opinions to share. Buckle up!
Is it a corner? A column? I don’t know! Haven’t got a clue! We might never know! Anyway, it’s mine and I get to do what I want with it. I’ve decided to share some things I’ve enjoyed during this corona-cation and rank them on a ten-point scale. There are plenty of things I haven’t enjoyed (email chains, my Class of 2024 Zoom Meet & Greet getting canceled due to “scheduling conflicts”), but here in the corner/column, we like to stay positive. [NOTE: Final scores are not necessarily representative of how much I liked or didn’t like any of the things I review! Numbers are a social construct!]
- “Guts” by Augustine: It’s not even good art. Like, one of the lyrics is “we’re pretenders, we’re beaming, we’re the signs of our time.” I don’t even know what that means! If you know, let me know because a girl is dying to find out!! But for some reason I just can’t get this fucking song out of my head. So I keep listening to it to try to get it out of my head, but the more I listen to it the more it gets stuck in my head, and so far it’s a never-ending cycle that has lasted about four days. Special shoutout to the Spotify algorithm for bringing me here. Just so we’re all clear, I would trust the algorithm with my life. 6/10.
- After Hours by The Weeknd: This, my friends, is good art. 10/10. An incredible track list full of eighties-esque bangers (see “In Your Eyes” and “Blinding Lights”) paired with consistent, meaningful and well-crafted visuals (see literally every single music video), not to mention incredible range, both in terms of genre and emotion (see “Scared To Live” and “Snowchild”). Also, the man gives a damn good live performance!! (See SNL from March 8!!) The Dua Lipa album, on the other hand, has, what? One TikTok-worthy song, a relatable lyric about staying at home and…nothing else. What does the “Break My Heart” music video even mean? Julia Pastreich thinks Dua Lipa is the Lady Gaga of this decade, but that’s only because they have mildly similar-sounding names. The Weeknd: 10. Dua Lipa: 0. Lady Gaga: 34.
- Fetch The Bolt Cutters by Fiona Apple: This album has the most chaotic energy. I’m obsessed. Fiona Apple is what would happen if Rufus Wainwright, Paul Simon, Joni Mitchell and Hayley Wiliams had a collective baby who came out of the womb with a comprehensive knowledge of music theory, the body of a 42-year-old woman and a fire in her belly of an angry feminist. I’m not actually as alternative as my review of this album might make you think; I only listened to it because both King Princess and Bowen Yang posted about it on their Instagram stories. It’s hella provocative, a little uncomfortable and left me wondering who the hell Shameika is and does she think I have potential?? 9/10.
- Immunity by Clairo: We stan a Lo-Fi queen! “Closer To You” is better than “Softly,” but why is no one talking about “Bags?” This is one of those albums I can listen to straight through pretty much from start to finish. Actually, that’s a lie. I can listen to this album straight through from “Alewife” to “Sofia,” but still that’s seven songs in a row. I can’t even name seven songs from the Dua Lipa album. 10/10.
- Bon Appetit: The only videos you should be watching from the Bon Appetit channel are the ones from their series “Gourmet Makes,” in which digitally beloved pastry chef Claire attempts to recreate classic sweets and snacks from Cadbury Chocolate Eggs to Pop Rocks to Cheez-Its. In the BA Test Kitchen version of Fuck/Marry/Kill, I would fuck Brad, marry Claire and kill Chris. And that’s on tempered chocolate. 10/10.
- NYT Cooking: The only videos you should be watching from the New York Times Cooking channel are the ones that feature Alison Roman. Who is Alison Roman, you ask? She’s a food writer for the Times, an expert on shallots, a woman with big opinions (just like me!) and an overall national treasure. The charisma! The charm! The cooking know-how! My heart can’t. My favorite video is “Small Kitchen, Big Thanksgiving,” but if you’re in the mood for something a little more seasonal, try “Alison Roman Hosts Passover Dinner.” You won’t regret it. Maybe I should start a cooking show? Send a message to my publicist if you think I should! (Lol, I don’t have a publicist. Who am I? Jonathan Safran Foer?) 10/10.
- Baumgartner Restoration: This is a YouTube channel dedicated entirely to videos about art restoration. Seriously good content! Let me tell you: there is nothing quite like the unique satisfaction of seeing someone remove decades, possibly centuries worth of grime from the surface of a painting to reveal a stunning layer of color underneath. I never thought I would know so much about Belgian linen and reversible conservation techniques, but here we are! Perfect for when you’re stressed about the pandemic and want to watch something entirely unrelated. Great places to start are “The Restoration of Ave Maria” and “The Conservation of The Assasination of Archimedes.” 10/10.
- Liana Finck (@lianafinck): Cartoonist, prophet, Woman On The InternetTM and overall creative genius. Follow for visual representations of feelings you feel every day but can’t articulate. 10/10.
- Me (@gg_silla): Follow me. No ovaries you won’t. 11,938,372,938/10.
- Late-night Zooming with the homies: <3. Need I say more? I think not. 11/10.
- Eating toast for lunch: I’ve taken to eating toast for lunch because it’s something I can do at home that I couldn’t do at school, and it’s the simple things in life that bring me joy, you know? (“To: firstname.lastname@example.org. Subject: Toaster. Hi Quinn. Hope all is well with you. Should SSC consider getting a toaster for the Internet Cafe next year? Is this a bad idea? Have I been away from school too long? I’m just trying to leave a lasting legacy, you know? And I feel like a toaster is probably the best way to achieve this? Let me know what you think! -Gigi.” “To: email@example.com. Subject: Re: Toaster. Hi Gigi. To answer your questions: No. Yes. Yes. I do know. Probably not. I think this is a bad idea. -Quinn.”) 4/10.
Gigi Silla ’20