Dear Abby

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What is the best way to stay in touch with people?

Dear Abby,

During these trying times, what is the best way to maintain contact with other human beings?

Dear human, 

Well, you could use text message, Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Zoom, WhatsApp, Houseparty, GroupMe, Facebook Messenger, Myspace, LinkedIn, Google Hangouts, Google Plus or ASKfm, or communicate through songs on Spotify.

But, for a funkier approach, you could use a tin can telephone, carrier pigeons, snail mail, owls, Hermes or a message in a bottle. If you’re really feeling up to it, more expensive options include: a blimp, sky writing or ding dong ditch (the last one is not expensive unless you want to pay the price of anger, haha).

On a more serious note, try to schedule time every day to talk to your friends. Not only is it fun to stay in touch with your friends, but you can also talk with other acquaintances and your “strictly school friends.” Even though at the time you may feel weird reaching out to people you do not normally talk to outside of school, it will make both you and the other person feel happier and like there is a sense of normalcy. We have been writing letters to our friends as another way to stay in touch; receiving a letter is exciting, and the prospect of sending one to get one back is too. 

Two women communicate by tin can telephone. However, we recommend standing farther apart than these two women (6+ feet!). Photo from Wikimedia.

How do I tell my English teacher that I absolutely cannot think about my senior paper in a way that Toni Morrison would approve of?

Dear Abby,

Distance learning is hard. How do I tell my English teacher that I absolutely cannot think about my senior paper in a way that Toni Morrison would approve of?

Dear potentially problematic senior/probably suffering senior, 

First, why would Toni Morrison not approve of your senior paper? She knows you’re a senior in high school, so, obviously, you’re not a perfect writer. Toni would probably only really be upset if you’re being a jerk. So, like, don’t be problematic. 

If you are able to think about your senior paper like Toni Morrison would, you probably shouldn’t even be at GDS. You should be off getting a PhD or Rhodes Scholarship (see Mike Wenthe or Pete Buttigieg). 

Honestly, we think many seniors are figuring out a way to tell their English teacher that they have no idea how to write their senior paper. And we think the English teachers know that. 

So like. It’s fine. Don’t write something that Toni Morrison would hate, but you do not need to be her either. Your time will come. 

What should I eat for lunch that’s kosher for Passover?

Dear Abby,

Blah blah blah … What should I eat for lunch that’s kosher for Passover?

Dear person who we assume is Jewish, 

The Jewish Abby, if she’s being completely honest, did not eat lunch today. She has been having a lot of trouble keeping kosher for Passover. She has little to no motivation to keep it when all she wants to do is eat non-kosher-for-Passover snacks as a pastime. 

But she has been eating matzah and cream cheese, matzah ball soup, fruit, more fruit, eggs, avocados, hummus and matzah. Her Jewish mother actually sent her an article the other day about how keeping kosher for Passover right now is hard for everyone, and all anyone can do is try their best to keep it. And if you can’t, that is okay.

The non-Jewish Abby has been eating lots of bread.

Abby Murphy ’20 and Abby Brickman ’20