We upperclassmen at the Augur Bit know that being a freshman can be stressful. And scary! So to ease any worry, two of our staff writers sat down with an anonymous incoming freshman and answered their most pressing questions.
Q: I heard the seniors throw condoms during the run-in. I don’t even know what a condom is!
A: This is not a question.
Q: Does the administration force you to juul or is that a rumor?
A: Don’t be ridiculous! The administration doesn’t force you to juul, they just encourage it! If you present your student ID card to Kelly Morris, you get one free juul pod.
Q: What’s really in Amy Killy’s hair?
A: Secrets and Nutri Grain Bars.
Q: Joseph Oh didn’t wish me a happy birthday on Facebook. Did I even have a birthday?
A: No, technically that means you were never born. Sorry.
Q: Sue Ikenberry?
A: Yes.
Q: I was really excited for seminar, but I’m a fervent ageist. Will I still pass the class?
A: Cancelled.
Q: What if I don’t have anyone to sit with at lunch?
A: Then try standing!
Q: Are vines still a funny thing to reference?
A: We’re trying to figure that out ourselves. Yeet?
Q: I still don’t know what a condom is.
A: Then maybe consult Shafia Zaloom, but this is not our job.
Q: What sets GDS apart from all the other area high schools?
A: Fingerprint scanners and more TVs per capita.
Q: What’s the best course selection to get me into college?
A: We wish we knew, my friend.
We hope this advice helps, freshmen. Best of luck on your high school journeys!
By: Lucy Walker and Cole Wright-Schaner
theaugurbit.com 