Dear Freshmen…

We upperclassmen at the Augur Bit know that being a freshman can be stressful. And scary! So to ease any worry, two of our staff writers sat down with an anonymous incoming freshman and answered their most pressing questions.

Q: I heard the seniors throw condoms during the run-in. I don’t even know what a condom is!

A: This is not a question.

Q: Does the administration force you to juul or is that a rumor?

A: Don’t be ridiculous! The administration doesn’t force you to juul, they just encourage it! If you present your student ID card to Kelly Morris, you get one free juul pod.

Q: What’s really in Amy Killy’s hair?

A: Secrets and Nutri Grain Bars.

Q: Joseph Oh didn’t wish me a happy birthday on Facebook. Did I even have a birthday?

A: No, technically that means you were never born. Sorry.

Q: Sue Ikenberry?

A: Yes.

Q: I was really excited for seminar, but I’m a fervent ageist. Will I still pass the class?

A: Cancelled.

Q: What if I don’t have anyone to sit with at lunch?

A: Then try standing!

Q: Are vines still a funny thing to reference?

A: We’re trying to figure that out ourselves. Yeet?

Q: I still don’t know what a condom is.

A: Then maybe consult Shafia Zaloom, but this is not our job.

Q: What sets GDS apart from all the other area high schools?

A: Fingerprint scanners and more TVs per capita.

Q: What’s the best course selection to get me into college?

A: We wish we knew, my friend.

We hope this advice helps, freshmen. Best of luck on your high school journeys!

By: Lucy Walker and Cole Wright-Schaner

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